Why do people always say being on top is better for women, anyway?
“You have more control over the speed, angle, and intensity, so it makes it easier to keep it at a rhythm that’s really doing it for you. Your vulva and cli**ris are also very accessible, and the vast majority of women find intercourse much more pleasurable if they are also stroking or being stroked in this area,” Martin explains. And then there’s also the mental element of control. Taking the reins and doing things exactly how you want can feel beyond hot.
OK, but what can you try if you’re having trouble getting the right angle when you’re on top?
Yes, in theory it makes sense that being on top lets your clit get more stimulation, but if that angle just isn’t happening for you, you’ve got options. To find that sweet spot, Martin suggests moving your body forward and back very slowly, and left to right, to see if you can notice and slight differences in sensation. Basically, troubleshoot!
Too deep? No problem. “If you are uncomfortable because the penetration feels too deep, you can try lying forward and propping yourself up on your hands or forearms almost like you are in a missionary position,” Martin offers. And don’t get discouraged if you don’t get there right away. “The key is to not get caught up thinking it’s not working and you need to fix it, but to focus instead on sensually discovering the spot that holds the greatest pleasure for you.”
What can I try if I just get really tired really quickly when I’m on top?
It’s no surprise that being on top exerts a liiiiiiittle more energy than just lying there and noticing all the cracks in your ceiling. Martin counsels that you can always slow way down but adds, “The biggest thing is to remember to breathe. If you’ve ever done intensive workouts, you can go much farther and longer if you breathe deeply. This will seem totally natural since people tend to breathe much more intensively during s*x.” Deep inhales and exhales can help you focus on sensation and not become exhausted so quickly.
Are there any variations of the traditional “on top of my partner, facing them” position? And WTF are they?
You’ve got other choices! For one, you can swing your way into reverse cowgirl, which Martin suggests can be “hugely liberating.” This is basically staying on top of the man-hood, but leaning on your forearms, or sitting up, facing his toes instead of his face.
BUT THERE’S MORE! “There is an advanced position where you are facing forward and you lean to one side, and place that hand down to support yourself and give your pelvis a light lift. The extra support and slight lift of your pelvis means you can undulate up and down with more range in your pelvis, and this can be super er*tic,” Martin explains.
What if I can’t relax?
There are tons of other benefits to getting on top that you might not have realized. “s*x is very psychological, and for women to experience their deepest orgasms, there are parts of their brain that need to go silent that have to do with judgement and control,” says Martin. When you’re on your back, you might actually be more caught up in your head but when you’re on top, you’re forced to concentrate more on the physical act, which can help you really let go.